If you’re reading this, you’re probably over 40.
So am I.
I also have a much younger soon-to-be-husband – an accidental cougar, if you will. I never really dated younger men, but he was and is my best friend, which grew into more and I fell in love with him completely and we are getting married.
That being said, this is one of the challenges that we face as a couple.
Why didn’t I have kids sooner?
I didn’t have kids back then because I didn’t want kids. When I was younger, I was – to be honest – too self centered and too afraid to have kids. I went through a brief stint at one point in my previous marriage in my 20s, where I tried desperately (counting days of ovulation, etc) and just never could get pregnant. Looking back, I see why it never worked out and how it’s better that it didn’t. I wasn’t ready, I was just lonely.
A bit later, in my 30s, I was with a different man that acted so immature (even though he was in his 30s too), that I didn’t want a child in addition to a dependent adult. Having a baby was really NOT in that picture, even though he tried very hard to pressure that. The answer was a resounding “no.”
But, things change and that relationship ended. Life moved on.
I’d love to hear YOUR story if you’d like to share in the comments. Why didn’t you have kids earlier? What made you change your mind?
Why do I want children now?
I’m not sure what made you want to have a baby over 40. For some people it’s waiting for career or financial stability. Maybe it was your friends having kids. For me, it was a coming together of everything I needed in my life to make a child a possibility.
My husband opened this amazing new world for me. A world where I was cared for and could be myself with my partner. We are a team in everything. I want to bring a child into that world for us to love and raise together.
We have no children in my immediate family. There is pretty much just my sister and I and it really never worked out for either of us to have kids. My mom has no grandchildren and I know she would love this, too, as would my sister. The whole family would welcome this baby with open arms.
I’ve given it a lot of thought. It sounds cliche, but there is an empty spot in my life and my family’s lives where a child should be. I won’t deny that there is still a little selfish part of me that likes to be in control of my life and feels like this will give it up, but I know it will be worth it if it happens.
The thing is, as you know, I’m over 40. I hate that fact. I’ve ignored birthday’s and deliberately, legitimately forgotten my age since I turned 20. Amazing how time just marches on anyway, isn’t it?
I’m not going to lie, it sucks that it took my life this long to get together enough to feel comfortable with the idea of having a baby. I feel like because of the loss of a small bit of time, I may have caused myself to miss out on something so important.
Yesterday, I finally sat down and read the facts of babies over 40. They were unsettling. They left me with questioning the plans we have and how I can make it work out with timing. Up until that point, I hadn’t felt any sort of time pressure or biological tick. After reading statistics, I feel like I’m a ticking time bomb. My guess is, that’s probably what you’re feeling too.
But, there’s always more to the story…